For years I have dreaded the coming of Valentine’s Day. Dare I say I despised its imminent arrival? I know that may sound silly and dramatic to some. After all, it’s just a day, right?
Yes it is, yet (speaking as a woman) it was a day that emphasized to me and all around me that I was single. I did not have a Valentine. And as I felt, I was the lesser for this fact. Now this is something that was my issue and realize that probably no one else even thought twice. Super Debbie Downer lol- but stay with me.
And total side note. To all the wonderful Debbie’s out there that I know, it’s a bummer that phrase is connected to you.
I did not meet my husband until I was almost 33. I did not date much before that either. We didn’t get married until I was 34. Something I would not change for anything, and it gives me that basis to speak to the single and married alike.
I think single people can have the false idea that having someone by their side on this specific day (or any day) says something about them. At least for the day. Or, without thinking about it, some people may even make sure someone is by their side on this specific day to avoid feeling outside the “norm”.
I often questioned God as to why I was “alone”. I asked him time and time again if it was a mistake. I remember clear as day during such questioning one night that he said to me (no, not audibly) – “There is no mistake. I don’t make mistakes. You are exactly where I want you to be.” It stopped me in my tracks. Of course God didn’t make mistakes. Like it or not, I needed to put on my big girl panties and keep going.
It took me getting married to for me to realize a few things.
- God doesn’t make mistakes. I guess he got my attention on this one before I got married. Yet he really solidified this to me through the process of getting married.
- We are not more or less of a person with a significant other. God made us all wonderfully unique, just as he intended.
Psalm 139:14 “I Praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made…”
- Community is so important. I’d even say it’s more important than having a significant other. I’m not saying that we all need a significant other, but I am saying that we all need community. And this comes in many forms. And it should not be overlooked. I’ve know many married lonely people. Of course, if you are married, this needs to be your top earthly relationship and we need to nourish it. Often!!
But our spouse (significant other) isn’t meant to fulfill us. I think that’s where a lot of relationships fail. God is the only one who can completely fulfill us and not let us down!
In order to have community, most likely, you will need to put yourself out there. Sometimes community comes to you, but often, it takes effort.
Community could come through family, at work, the gym, your neighborhood, a church, or even through essential oils- yes, people can bond over lots of things. Find your people and get to know them. Like really get to know them. This will take time and effort. I know. It will also be messy. What do I mean? People are people. They are imperfect, broken beings. And so are you, my friend. Not every relationship you attempt to create will work out. I’m sure you already know this. That doesn’t mean you should cut yourself off from trying again.
Make Valentine’s Day a day to remember in a new way. Instead of turning things inward (whether single or not), look around you and bless someone with a text, note or call to let them know that they are important to you, or you love them. If we all did this, there would be a lot of love going around. Spread the love my friend- something I believe we are all called to do. What a world this would be with no more lonely hearts!!
Embrace Life!
