Part 3
Hey all! So, we’re getting a little deep on this post. Stick with me though!
God laughs at our plans. Not a laugh at our expense, but I feel it’s more, that He has a bigger plan and we often just don’t see it, or can’t see it.
I had planned on a completely different Part 3 in this series. There I go with my plans again.
I was sitting in a women’s conference at my church the other weekend. I was exhausted after coming back that day from a family trip. It was so great seeing family, but it was this type of tired:
6 kids- and no hubbies (and my redheads were often fiery),
5 nights with my kids and I in the same room,
4 hundred+ miles traveled,
3 dogs that Maggie loved a bit too much (the word “gentle” was said to her a lot)
2 day trip excursions,
1 Memaw helper,
And a partridge in a pear tree.
I sat in the room and looked around me. I knew I was there for a reason (besides being invited- ha), yet I saw so many amazing women so advanced in their faith, my only thought was, “what am I doing here?” Any of you ever feel like that?
The conference was our chance to get together before everything kicked off for fall. A chance for women of all ages and stages that helped with the ministry to get together. To encourage each other. Side note: I love my church. Find a church you love. Or come hang with me if you are in AZ. It would be great.
A number of women spoke. One talked briefly about having a healthy marriage before being able to lead other women. I let the thought go by at first. Then during a time of singing, God really said to me that I needed to write about having a healthy marriage next. No way, I thought. I’ve only been married 5 years. I have nothing to offer anyone. Plenty of other women out there can get the word out on this, but not me. Yet the thought became stronger and I finally gave in. And, here we are.
So how’s your marriage? I’m not judging, really. Yet, how often do we ask ourselves? Ask our spouse? I think it’s easy to either view it how we want it to be, or to gloss over things because it’s easy to do that when we are all super busy. If you have kids, it’s easy to focus on the kids and all they have going on.
I don’t know a ton about marriage. I’m still learning about Brandon all the time. We are still learning how to navigate life together. And I don’t think that’s my message here. I believe the message I’m to get out is that the only one who can truly help with a marriage and keep it “healthy” is God. Plain and simple. There are actually 3 in a healthy marriage. Have you heard of that? You, your spouse, and God.
Let me encourage you with some verses:
Mark 10:8 What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.
Genesis 2:24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Ephesians 5:33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
If you grew up with that as an example, that idea makes perfect sense. There are oh so many (more) verses in the Bible on marriage and how it should be. I did not grow up with that example. My mom tried hard to make it that way, but it was one sided, and it eventually ended. God was not a true part of their marriage. My mom has grown so much in her faith since then. She’s such an amazing person. And she has impressed upon me that she doesn’t want me (or anyone else) to have a marriage like that. People can (and do) try to fix their marriage all day long. There are self-help books and seminars galore, but I do believe that unless God is in the mix, it’s a shot in the dark if something works long term. And, let me be honest, having God in the mix doesn’t imply that it’s all rainbows and butterflies. It means that He is your rock and together, you and your spouse cling to God and go on an amazing journey.
Even if God is not a part of your marriage at all right now, He can be. He wants to be. And you can ask him in at any time. I encourage you to do so. And if your spouse isn’t on board, you can still ask God in. Either way, I believe prayer is huge in a marriage. I have found that The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian, find it here, is a wonderful place to start. She breaks up 31 different areas for you to pray about. (Roughly one per day per month.) It might seem uncomfortable at first, but I am telling you from personal experience, God can do huge things for you and your spouse through your prayers!! You don’t have to pray out loud or even need your husband to know you are doing it, but I think he would be honored to know that you are praying for him. Guys really do need to know that we are in their corner. We talk a lot about being a team. I think it’s important to reassure each other (and your kids) of that.
And if you’ve got some big issues, seek help! There is no shame or weakness in that, regardless of what society thinks. If a marriage can be saved, and God can do anything, it’s beyond worth it. It’s worth it for you, and it’s also incredibly worth it for your kids. I think this is also why we are to “do life” with other people. We are in a small group with other couples our age, and led by a couple older than us who has been married 35 years. I would feel totally comfortable going to them for advice or help on marriage. Or, seek out a pastor or Christian counselor.
On a lighter note, have fun with your spouse and be silly now and then!! It’s so easy to get caught up in everything that has to be done, that things can get stagnant. Brandon does this thing where almost every time he walks by me he (lightly) swats my backside. He says it’s my love pat. And he’ll never stop doing it, and I’m ok with that.
Show some affection in front of your kids. Have big family hugs where you almost fall over. Have family dance parties. Get out for a date night now and then. Time with just each other can be so important.
So with all that said, I really do believe that a healthy mama, and a healthy marriage with God as the center are key to having a healthy family. Here’s to your health!
Embrace Life!!
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